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PARENT-PLAYER GUIDELINES
The game of soccer can be a
wonderful experience for everyone involved – the players, their parents,
organizers (coaches, managers, team parents, and league and club
personnel…) as well as the referees. However, as we observe the growth
of this game and the excitement of so many of our children as they play,
we also observe behavior by many parents that does not support the
overall goals we have for our League. This guide is meant to serve as a
document for you to give to every parent. You should discuss the ideas
contained herein. Parents are encouraged to practice what this document
preaches by reining in other parents that are not being fully
supportive.
As a final
introduction, let us relate the results of a survey (published in the
N.Y. Times in June 1997) given to parents and their children. Parents of
kids playing competitive sports and the kids themselves were given a
checklist. Both parties were asked to circle the 3 most important
reasons why each party wants the child to play the particular
competitive sport. The ages were the same as our youngest players – 8 to
10 years old. The parents’ three most often cited goals were "being
challenged," "learning to compete," and "winning." The children most
circled goals were "having fun," "learning new skills," and "making
friends."
In an effort
to help bring our goals closer to the goals of our children, we offer
the following THREE LEGS of SUPPORT. Follow these guidelines and you
will have a very stable relationship with your child as they grow into
young adults enjoying the wonderful game of soccer.
SUPPORT the kids This means all kids. Make positive comments
to players, not negative ones. Don’t groan when someone misses the
ball. After a loss or a mistake, don’t malign the other players.
They are children too. Make a rule for yourself – say one positive
thing to an opponent each half! Applaud a great save by the opposing
goalie, a wonderful pass or a beautiful defensive play.
Forget the constructive criticism. You know, things like "If you
only worked on your left foot a little more" or "next time you
should pay attention when the coach talks about heading!" Comments
need to be unfailingly positive and supportive. Kids take even the
mildest criticism as a sign that you don’t support them. You job on
the sidelines is to revel in their accomplishments and offer a
shoulder, a hug or a kiss when everything doesn’t go perfectly. If
you feel the need to comment on a mistake, how about "Oh, what an
unlucky bounce!"
And, please remember that the kids on the
other team might be your next door neighbor. Please don’t gloat over
the mistake made by an opponent. For heaven’s sake, no celebrating
over a team shellacking. What if it was your child? How would they
feel? How would you feel?
SUPPORT the Coach Here’s a shock, your kid’s coach isn’t
perfect. But, don’t make it harder by coaching from the sidelines.
Never yell to a player to do something – that’s the coach’s job.
Players HATE to hear instructions from more than one source. Never,
never decide that you know best what your child should be doing and
complain during the game. If you have an issue, take it up with the
coach after the game out of earshot of your child. Here’s the best
advice ever from a very senior coach that works with some of our
players, "Let them play!"
It is a shame that the smallest
kids play on the smallest fields allowing them to hear everything
that everyone says to them! How many times have we seen a child turn
around to a parent and say, "but the coach told me…" It’s a sure
sign that you are interfering with your child’s fun. Let the coach
do the coaching. You do the cheering.
SUPPORT the Referee Okay, this is very simple. Refs make
mistakes. But, they are the authority in the game of soccer. If you
want your child to be a good sport, respect authority and have fun,
NEVER CRITICIZE THE REFEREE. Let’s be honest. Most of you
don’t really know the rules (Laws) of soccer. Most of you don’t have
a clue about the intricacies of the offsides rule. Do you know that
your child can be knocked to the ground legally? A legal charge that
knocks your son or daughter over is not a foul. Do you know that it
is not a penalty for a larger player to out-physical a smaller
player for the ball?
But, let’s get back to the mistakes. To
have games, we must have referees. We recruit new refs EVERY YEAR.
Does anyone think that a new ref is going to make the right call all
the time? Of course not. But, does anyone really think that a ref is
going to favor one side or the other? Please, these are games. Games
as in fun and play. They are not life or death for anyone especially
the ref! Assume the ref will make the same amount of mistakes for
both sides. If you can deal with that you will be able to relax and
enjoy the game a lot more.
Let’s use an example of another
area of life to show you what happens if you, the parent, yell at
the ref. Pretend you are in school watching your child learn. You
don’t like the way the teacher has reprimanded your child. So, you
scream at the teacher?!? Of course not. We realize that the analogy
is not perfect. But, think about it. Do your kids follow your lead
in how they interact with the world? Of course they do. If you are a
ref screamer, expect your kids to be also. You wouldn’t want your
child to yell at a teacher and we’re sure you don’t want them
yelling at the ref either.
In any event, we must warn you
about an important related topic: Referee abuse. It happens very
often. We are not talking about physical assault (although we have
seen that too). We are talking about a loud mouth Dad screaming at a
16 year old girl (refereeing an Under 10 game) that she belongs in
the kitchen. We are talking about a coach (who has never read FIFA’s
20 pages of interpretation of the offsides rule) calling a referee
an "idiot." We will no longer tolerate this type of verbal abuse.
Refs have been instructed by their organization to hand out red
cards to coaches who abuse them OR whose parents abuse them.
So, we are back to mistakes. Refs will make them. You will either
learn that they are part of the game and refuse to let them ruin
your enjoyment of your child’s fun. Or, you will keep your mouth
shut because you don’t want the embarrassment of seeing a red card
appear in your direction. Either way, the League will make referee
abuse stop.
Again, the 3
tenets of support:
SUPPORT
the players , the coaches and the refs !
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RUSH-HENRIETTA